I like makeup. I’ve always liked makeup. Back in college, I wrote a terrible slam poem about being a feminist who wears makeup. Then I abruptly dropped the class because I couldn’t go through with actually performing that piece of shit. I mean, can you imagine? But in my head, I think the professor thought I was talented because he looked at me once. Back to Ulta where it is bright as fuck. Brighter ...Read More

Dear Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts: I love the shit out of you. Until I tasted your warm, chocolate goo that’s too cheap to be remotely related to Nutella, I’d smugly blow past you in the breakfast aisle. You make enjoying science food worth never having to wear pants. How I tasted you is because my kid picked you up after I told her seven thousand times three things will survive the apocalypse: Subway, Pop ...Read More